It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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