so explain again why im purple
no
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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