I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just found a bag of teeth...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you had me at cake vodka
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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