Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
