I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
