I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
