I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
