I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
