I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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