do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
