I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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