I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
