Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
