we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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