Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
