I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So. Much. Porn.
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