Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
