I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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