I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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