apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
