WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
