I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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