we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Of course I have a pirate flag
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
