peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
