On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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