I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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