New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
