why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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