He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
