i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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