that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
