Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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