i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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