turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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