This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
