hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
