All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
