I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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