So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
