think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
