i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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