Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This show inspires me to have sex in space
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
