i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
