any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
