9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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