I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
