this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
