If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
