i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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