well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
