Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
