i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
