if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This is my gift to your gina
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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