I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
