Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
