if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Non-Jews are for practice
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
