I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
