I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm bleeding and have questions
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
