So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
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i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
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I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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