i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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