So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
