my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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