Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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