Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
