My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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