the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
