Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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