Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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