if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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