true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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